Making 2020 Your Year

For years I’ve been just like everyone else- making New Years resolutions only to get lazy and slack off 2 weeks later or forget what I even promised in the first place. Eat healthier, stop cursing so much, do more exercise….blah blah blah. I can bet a million dollars you’re guilty of making these empty resolutions too.

This year, however, I’m determined to do things differently. How? I’m simply not making resolutions.

IF ONLY IT WERE THAT EASY!!!

Instead, I’ve been thinking about my life goals & decisions. The key word being -decision-. Instead of a resolution, promise, or any other adjective you’d like to insert in there, I’ve been trying to look at it all from a different perspective.

While reflecting one day….aka while drinking wine in the shower as my kids yelled from the other side of the locked door….I began to think, what do I really want out of life? What will make me happy in this new decade? What do I want to accomplish that will make me proud in the subsequent decade? Sure I’d love a boatload of money and to eat pizza every day while wearing Louboutins and galavanting the world……but once the buzz from my wine wore off and I actually got to thinking seriously about what I wanted, the ideas came flooding in. “How am I going to keep track of everything?” I thought to myself. My first instinct was to look at Pinterest. Let’s just say I was inundated with inspirational quotes and articles about how to integrate celery juice into your everyday life. No thanks. After a bit of searching, I stumbled upon what appeared to be another mundane article about vision boards. Something in me made me click the article and as I began to read, I could feel my perspective shifting. This particular author talked about how a vision board is simply a place to physically put your ideas. But it’s up to you to manifest them. Sounds easy, right? Cut out a bunch of cool looking pictures, paste them to a poster board, write “Vision Board” with your tween’s glitter gel pens, then voila!! Nope. Nope. Nope….

I once read a quote that said a dream is just a dream until you write it down, then it becomes a goal. But that goal doesn’t become anything more until you put forth actions. That’s when it becomes real. (or something along those lines). My point being, it became clear to me that I could still utilize the ever popular Vision Board, as long as I mapped out a way for me to manifest these goals into reality.

My particular board is still a work in progress….but don’t worry I promise to share it soon….

In the meantime, I’d love to hear feedback from readers. Do you have a vision board or something similar? Does it help you to accomplish your goals?

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Here are some steps that I’ve found truly helped me thus far:

  1. Ask Yourself What You Really Want

It’s that simple. If you don’t know where to start, try grabbing a blank piece of paper and jotting down everything that comes to mind when you envision your ideal life. Nothing is off limits here (except maybe a rainbow unicorn lol).

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2. Compartmentalize your Ideas

Placing your ideas into categories (ie: friends, family, personal development, health, money, travel) will help you map out the areas upon which you should focus on. After all, the law of attraction can’t work if you don’t know what you’re asking for.

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3. Create Action Steps

Similar to a wealth management advisor mapping out a financial plan, you can do the same with you life. Start small and think about how each day (or month, or year) you are going to attain that. I know in my goals, a big one was travel, so I started with one long weekend trip, then one extended family trip, working my way up to an international trip that involves intense planning & saving.

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Some Important Things to Remember:

  1. NO ONE IS JUDGING YOU.  I know it’s hard to believe because in today’s society there are no secrets and there is no discretion. People can be down right crude to one another. But guess what? This vision board & these goals- they’re YOURS. No one is going to see them unless you share them, and even if you do decide to share and the particular person(s) don’t agree….well fuck them…seriously. No one on this earth can tell you that what you want out of YOUR life is wrong. Always remember that.

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2. IT’S A WORK IN PROGRESS. Your visions & goals do not have to be static. Just as you grow and change, so will they. Don’t feel pressured to have to complete something the original way you wrote it down or envisioned it just because. Trust in yourself and your journey this life has given you. It’s ok to always be a work in progress. I feel like I am. b2cf4e799298e54e6dae4a22f8d7fd56

3. BE AUTHENTIC. This personal road map, or vision board, or mission, or goals, whatever you prefer to call it, is for only YOU. Try to let go of society’s norms and be authentic to what you want and what your heart tells you. Sounds a bit corny, but it’s true. As mentioned earlier, the Law of Attraction can only work if you put something out into the universe- so put out what YOU WANT….not what society tells you that you should want.

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At this point I believe I’ve covered how you and I can both work together to make 2020 OUR YEAR. Even if the only thing we do is create a vision board. 

 

xoxo Robin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mommies are Humans Too

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“Mom I need you”

“Mommy I’m hungry”

“Mom can you help me with my shoes?”

Mommy, MOMMY, MOMMMMMYYYYYY

I hear that about 30 trillion times a day. If you’re a fellow mom, I bet you do too.

Now let’s switch gears. When talking to others, instead of introducing myself as “Robin”, I tend to say, “Hi, I’m _______’s mom”.

AND 9 times out of 10, whether I’m with my children or not, they become the sole focus of my conversation.

With that said, I believe it’s safe to assume that my children take up 99.9999% of my time both physically and mentally. But, is .000009% enough energy to allocate to myself? Probably not.

Make that Definitely not.

And…..that’s where we as moms need to make a change. No, we shouldn’t slack off as parents, or spend less time or energy on our children. We love them more than anything and want to make these years memorable. But in all honesty, we can’t forget who we are as people. Our roles are not singular.

This brings me to the main point of my post. When do we as moms (or dads!!!) stop remembering who we are, what we enjoy, what our hopes and dreams are……and put all of that aside to be known only as “so and so’s mom/dad”?

This topic is a difficult one and a sensitive one, but nonetheless, important. It’s something I have been truly struggling with over the last year.

HOWEVER, you and I alike, do not need to wallow or give in and think, “well, being a mom is the only important job in my life”, because IT’S NOT. So, I challenge you (as I challenge myself) to start by making a list of all your hopes and dreams. Sounds corny, I know. But it really isn’t. These dreams, or goals, could be as small as making time to eat breakfast in the morning or as large as a big career change. Then, after making this list, get together with a friend, family member, colleague, professional, or anyone else you feel comfortable with, and map out how you can get started working towards these goals. It doesn’t matter if you only make one ounce of progress, as long as it’s forward progression, it will help you. Good luck friend, I know we can do it!

xo Robin

PS- I’d love to hear from some of you as to what your ideas

and dreams are & what your plans look like. I’ll be sure to post mine too!

 

Mommy Burnout

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For this post I’ve decided to share with you something that I’ve experienced, and quite honestly, continue to experience. It’s called mommy burnout.

The transition from a full time working mom to a full time stay at home mom was at first an easy one. I was busy with an infant, and loved all the extra time I got to spend with my older children. Housework was done in a timely manner, I got to cook homemade meals, and didn’t have to worry about getting up and running to my office. I’d say the first 12 months were great. I was class mom for two of my girls, on the PTA board, hanging out with friends when our kids were home, and even fit in a series or two on Netflix. Then came last summer. The baby began walking…..well she actually went directly to running…..and baby proofing came along with that. We no longer were content just sitting on a blanket playing with blocks lol. Then came the diagnosis of my middle daughter’s speech delay. She started seeing a speech pathologist twice per week, and each session was a struggle just to get her there and back. Her tantrums didn’t end there- she’d freak out at the slightest little thing if it wasn’t done her way. My eldest daughter has always been a voice of reason- so sweet, calm, collected……andddd then she turned 7. I don’t know what it was, but it’s like the second her birthday came, so did a huge attitude adjustment. She continues to be my bright little sweetheart, but constantly has something to say about everything- especially when it involves her middle sister. In the past 6 months my two eldest transitioned from constantly playing together to constantly fighting. Oh and did I mention that all my kids hate sleeping? I’m serious. The baby (who’s 19 months now) barely naps, my 4 year old hasn’t napped in years, and of course my 7 year old doesn’t. Even at night, despite having everyone ready for bed at 7:30, they usually are up till around 9pm and then wake up at 6:30 the following morning.

I know it sounds a lot like I’m just running off a list of complaints, but I’m simply trying to paint the picture of what it was like. Add in my hubby working 12-14 hour days and mommy eliminating regular time with friends & exercise. When you take all that stuff, multiply it by life’s everyday stressors (ie: money, health issues, family drama) you end up with something called mommy burnout. Or in my case, an extremely bad case of anxiety and panic. I should have seen it coming. I was too calm and collected for too long. Then one day I woke up and just didn’t feel like myself. I felt terrified. Of everything- and nothing all at once. The physical and mental disturbance is unlike anything I have ever experienced in my life. All I can say is that I should have taken more time to focus on myself, but I didn’t. I thought I could be super mom, super wife, super friend, super daughter, and super everything to everyone 24 /7. When I fell apart, very few people knew- only my husband and a couple close friends. And when I say “fell apart” I mean I was plagued with constant anxiety, panic attacks, and stomach problems. I wasn’t stuck in a padded room if that’s what you’re thinking, but I can tell you that I all of a sudden was afraid to go to the grocery store or bring my child to the park- for the fear of having a bad episode of anxiety or a panic attack.

Although it was extremely tough for me, I went to see a therapist and psychiatrist. Honestly, it took me 2 months of suffering every day, losing 10 lbs, feeling shitty about myself and my abilities before I bit the bullet and went. I was afraid of what others would think about me, and honestly, what I would think of myself. I didn’t want people to see me as some nut job who can’t function without meds, and I didn’t want to have to explain to a stranger why I all of a sudden was terrified of everything, although in my mind I knew it was irrational.

But, I went. I saw both professionals. I even switched my dr after seeing one guy that I didn’t really like. And you know what they both said: everything I’m experiencing is normal. I mean sure, I clearly have an anxiety disorder, that much is clear, but no I’m not crazy, I’m not a bad mom or wife or friend. They explained to me that I was having a very physical, real reaction to stress. I felt a little better hearing that, but still wasn’t 100% on the “med train”. After seeing both drs, it took me another month before I brought myself to try medication. I also began practicing yoga regularly and trying to get out in nature as much as possible. I won’t lie- the road from there has been rough and rocky- just when I would begin to feel great I would have a stressful event and then take 2 steps back. In fact, I’m there right now. The past month I felt amazing, I was really almost back to myself. Then I woke up last Saturday in panic mode. I’ve been in an anxious state for the past 6 days. Saw my therapist today and she did point out all of the big events and stressors that have evolved over the recent weeks. I also haven’t been to yoga in 2 months or gotten outside due to the blizzards.

All excuses aside, I’ll admit that every day is a struggle. Some are just easier than others. Through the support of my amazing family, friends, drs, and faith- I’m trying my best to bounce back from my mommy burnout. My advice to anyone else who may find themself in this situation, or one similar, is to make yourself a priority. It’s so much easier said than done, trust me, I know. But, when mommy isn’t feeling well, the whole house won’t be either. You, like me, are a strong, beautiful woman with goals, passions, and dreams. You don’t have to lose sight of those dreams just because you became a mom- your plan on reaching them may just have to be rerouted.

I want to end this post by letting anyone out there reading this that if you need someone to listen, I’m always here. Even if we don’t know each other- you don’t have to struggle alone. Stress, Mom Guilt, Lack of sleep, Anxiety, Depression…..they are all unfortunately very prevalent among today’s moms. Burnout isn’t fun and if you feel like you’re on the edge or just need someone to vent to- go ahead and do it. Or take the time to drop the kids off at the babysitter and get your hair done. Go to the spa every once in a while. Or, simply try your best to take 5 minutes to yourself to read a book. Whatever makes your heart sing and your mind clear.

Best Wishes and Happy International Women’s Day

 

xo Robin

 

Sushi & Roses: A Story For My Fellow SAHMs

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These are “French looking Flowers” says my husband. He knows me so well. They are absolutely perfect.

He brought me these and sushi after a long, exhausting day spent with sick babies, endless laundry, attempting to disinfect my house, and playing referee to two constantly arguing 4 and 7 year olds. When he arrived I had on the same pajamas I was wearing when he left 12 hours before. No makeup, no blow dried hair. I quickly glanced in the mirror and barely recognized the woman in front of me with deep circles and tired eyes. I must admit, this was pretty bad- I always at least get dressed and look presentable. But not today. Or the day before that. In fact, the day before I spent 8 hours in our local ER holding a screaming toddler. The day before that I also had shuttled the girls around to speech classes, dance classes, religion, and doctor appointments.

That brings me to my next point. I’ve been seriously lacking on keeping up with this blog lately. I’m truly sorry about that {To my readers and to myself}.  Please understand that all of the above craziness has been my life the past few weeks. Oh, and let’s not forget to add in the process of buying a new home while finding a renter for our existing one. (I’ve had more conversations with my lawyer & mortgage rep than I have with anyone else. I literally know their numbers by heart.)

One day very soon I’ll look back at this stress & craziness and laugh. Maybe. Or I’ll just be happy that I made it through. As I’ve probably mentioned before, being a SAHM (stay at home mom) these past 18 months is the HARDEST job I’ve ever done. So I’d like to tell all my fellow moms out there, BRAVO! You are AMAZING. We are in this together, and on days that you feel you can’t get through one more poop diaper or clean up another thrown juice cup…..remember…..you aren’t doing it alone. We are warriors. We are responsible for shaping the next generation into respectable humans. And we can do this.

{But I’m not gonna lie…..sushi and roses help.}

xo Robin

Sniffles and Storytimes

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This past week I’ve barely left my house. Each day has consisted of cuddles, lots of tissues, baths, humidifiers, nose-sucking (thank you NoseFrida), and attempting to sleep a couple hours at night between the kid’s coughing fits. First it began with the younger two who had nasty colds, coupled with double pink eye. Then on Thursday, the oldest developed an awful barking cough and fever. So needless to say, we have had our share of sickness the past week. (By the way, my largest child, aka my hubby, is now too coming down with the dreaded cold. Oh Joy.)

As a mother, the hardest thing to do is see your child suffering. Just know that we all feel helpless sometimes. For me, I just make sure to provide the girls with lots of mommy cuddles, chicken noodle soup, books, movies, and warm blankets. (Not to mention sanitizing the entire house in between lol). As exhausting as it has been, I’m thankful to have these three precious little souls in my life. To be their mommy {and nurse}, to watch them look up and hug me in those times they need me most, really puts things in perspective.

If you told me 10 years ago that at 31 I’d have 3 girls, a rural home, and have left my corporate job for wiping noses & baby behinds all day long……I would have laughed hysterically at you. Some days I still have to laugh at myself- but mainly because I’ve got a princess sticker on my shirt or I just realized I went to the store with my wallet still in the diaper bag. Truth be told, throughout the hardships, we have to be thankful for every day with our little ones. As we all know, they grow up too fast, and even if I’m suffering from some cabin fever this week, I’ll take sniffles and story times any day.

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xo Robin